The Amazing Matt B: What A Pathetic Zilch

So I've never used my opinion page for something such as this, but now that this little zero has emerged from his alleged coffin, I guess I HAVE to...

The whole thing started sometime this past week. Some guy who desperately wants to be "a cursed walking dead blah blah blah" has decided to take a sucker punch at Lord Zion and the MIGHTY Spit Like This because he thinks they are trying to be a Goth Metal band... You know like maybe Sins Of Thy Beloved or something...

The Goth crowd desperatley wants to be taken seriously... They have no REAL leader, just a whole plethora of fictious ones, such as, Dracula, Blade, etc. Many of them believe (get this!) that Cain (as in the biblical Cain) was the first vampire. Something to the fact of "if anyone tried to kill him, they would be cursed."

They walk around in white face paint, looking very much like mimes with a serious skin condition. They hang out anywhere death looms, such as cemetaries. The Goth lifestyle is pretty much a full time job. Without pay, FYI...

So I Challenged this Matt guy... Think Matt is his last name. His first is Door. Anyway, I challenged this Matt guy to a blog duel. He probably won't accept. The rules are stated at Vince Wylde Dot Com.

So now I summon you. His pathetic little waste of the internet is here: Art Of Pain.

Heh. Let the games begin.

Dating: What You're Doing Wrong

Chicks frustrate the hell out of me. It's not just the fact that you can't figure them out no matter what you do, or even the fact that everything seems to be one big friggin' mind game. Nope, it's the trying to find one who might give you a chance in hell because her priorities are way to high. This was taken from an actual personal ad:

I'm an artistic student that also is into health and being active. I would like a guy that would play b-ball or racquet ball, go for hikes, or go to the gym with me. I like an active person but someone who still has time to hangout. I am busy with school and such but I always try to make time. I would also want someone who likes music and arts especially photography since that is my major at RIT. I don't consider myself as very athletic but I guess I am since I go to the gym almost everyday. I would like a guy who is talkative since I have a hard time starting conversations. I need someone who is not afraid to make the first move. I am friendly and very social. I love being in groups and parties. I do not drink though. I would like someone who doesn't drink much or none at all and is social like I am. I would want someone who is open minded and ready to try anything. Someone who I can go to a club with and dance with on the floor. Someone who is not afraid of public affection since I love to be hugged, kissed, and have my hand held. Also I just go to school in New York so they would have to deal with the fact that I live in Mass during the summer. Anything else you want to know just ask! IM me if you wish. I've been played in the past so if you just want a short thing for a week or so don't even bother I don't want to deal with that.

Hello? Still with me? This is a snippet from one of thousands of personal ads on yahoo and I think I've discovered why there are so many damn people using these things. Because these women want to much!

Look, love isn't about your perfect match. TRUST ME. The old adage about "opposites attract"? Well, there's some truth to that.

While it is more advisable to find someone you have a little in common with, it isn't necessary nor advisable to date a carbon copy of yourself. It's also probably a bad idea to think you will find Mr. 5'9", With a $50,000.00 car, $400,000.00 a year job and all the right moves and words. A little imperfection makes another person all that much more interesting to be with.

If you really must have a spot on match, then I advise to hang out in your bedroom and make puppy eyes at yourself in the mirror all day. You'll be much happier and you won't have to look any more.

Finally, a word of advice to all. Never let ANYONE tell you, "She's / He's not right for you" based on materialistic compatibility. It's stupid. And for that matter, don't tell anyone "They aren't right for you." I mean, really, who the hell do you think you are? Dr. Friggin' Ruth? I don't think so... Nor are you Dr. Laura or Dr. Joy Brown... And they would both most likely tell you, it's all about outward acts of affection and plain friggin' doo-da chemistry (which by the way can develop over time).

Ronald Reagan And The Liberal Spin

Listening to the news this week was sickening in ways I can't even communicate. One of our nation's greatest leaders Passed away over the weekend and before his body was even cold the news media started making him out to be some kind of ill-perceived hero. Or, in other words, Reagan wasn't the hero we all thought he was.

Now, to be honest I remember very little about Ron Reagan and it would be presumptuous for me to make any statements about his leadership. What I have read makes me believe he was more Libertarian than anything else. "Government isn't the solution to the problem, government IS the problem." I've heard this clip about a dozen times over three days and I've never agreed with anything more in my life.

Other things I've read tell me Reagan had a backbone etched out of cast iron. He stood up to his enemies, and lead the nation the best he could.

If I listen to Tom Brokaw or Dan Rather I would more likely believe that Ron is getting way too much fanfare and wasn't that great. But rather, he was a great verbose actor. In other words, a classic bull shitter.

I'm not surprised that the Liberals hate this man. I'm saddened that they are right in front of the line at his casket to defecate on it and spit in his face because he steered us away from Liberal thinking. Too bad for you. Not that I was believing any of your BS anyway...

Partial Birth Human Slaughtering

Ahh, another day of tuning in talk shows and hearing Liberal minded women who want to Slaughter already born babies because, "Dammit, it's my right!" Hey lady... Screw you and your rights... If you don't respect human life, you don't deserve one yourself, much less an abortion...

I suppose you could argue the age old debate about when life actually occurs... I believe, incidentally, upon conception. However, no human on this entire planet has the right, nor the authority to say, "Now that the baby has seen daylight, pierce it's skull with a dagger, because, dammit, it's my right to want that done! It's my body."

Hey lady, shut your arrogant hole. I'll concede (for now) the dumb argument that during the fetal stage YOU think the baby is some kind of cocoon that's not living... However, when that thing exits your body via either caesarian section OR natural child birth, game over. You get nothing, Good day ma'am.

This selfish game of women calling the shots for reasons of pure selfishness and arrogance has got to stop. They hide behind the mask of "freedom" so they can go out and sleep with 400 men, get knocked up, and then just "remove" the problem manually. How about this: How about no sex if you can't handle the responsibility?

However, The Honorable Judge Wench decided George W. Bush was being some in-human monster by saying that a halfway born baby cannot be murdered with a pair of scissors because that's just murder. You know, I'm none to happy with Bushy Bushy these days, but GOOD CALL.

Voting Time Again

Oh goodie. Time to throw my vote away. How excited am I? Not very. No matter who I vote for, someone thinks I am throwing my vote away. Vote for Bush, then I want a power hungry dictator in office. Vote for Kerry, then I like guys who can't make up their minds about anything.

But here's the catch. I don't vote for either. Oh, I do vote. Only with my vote, I get both the left AND the right saying I'm wasting my vote.

I guess since the Libertarian party doesn't garner a ton of votes, some think it's the same as not voting at all. I have a different opinion.

Voting for someone I can't stomach would be throwing my vote away. So am I really throwing my vote away? No, not really. Throwing my vote away would be to listen to a Liberal or Conservative minded person who thinks Kerry is a re-incarnation of Muhammad and Bush is the Messiah.

Ebay And Why It Sucks

I know, I know. "But I like Ebay." Well, you can thank the cheating losers for this entry of hostility.

Ebay was originally founded as a cheap way to buy that item you just can't afford to shell out the $1000.00 for. Make your bid, wait and see if you've won. Except now it's not that easy. Little thick framed glasses wearing pieces of shite have taken this joy away from you.

With the invention of programs like "Sniper" (courtesy of dateless hackers), you can now spend your time doing other productive things, because, you just flat aren't winning anything on Ebay. I spent 28 minutes watching an item for someone and bidded in the last 20 seconds only to find I had been outbidded by 1 measly dollar.

Now I realize that a sound rack is a big item you just have to win, and God knows, getting that bid in within the last 10 seconds so you don't get outbid on an item that is a dime and dozen throughout the internet is vastly important, but gimmie a break.

Get a date and Kiss a girl for crying out loud. You are a loser if you need Software to bid on Ebay.

Blog Page Moving Soon

.12 Gauge will soon be moving! Yes, that's part of the reason updates have gone right into the toilet. The other is my ridiculous scehdule. For those of you curious HOW ridiculous, you may go to Point Blank and read all about it. The old link is Here.
So until then, keep tuned in. I promise to write something soon. -Vince

2003's Jackass Awards Vol. 2 - # 9

I don't have anyone to single out in this one, but this is a group that makes some of the dumbest people on the planet. For my English readers, a Yuppie is a full grown townie.

Yuppies are Jackasses because they shoot their mouths off without engaging the mind first. They hate smokers, are angry at everyone else for their fat, stupid, out of control, ugly kids. And they think they have the perfect idea of what a flawless society is.

Well, as far as their kids go: Their kids are fat because they aren't outside playing anymore, they're inside playing Xbox. They're stupid because parents let the friggin' teletubbies raise them from age 3. Their out-of-control because with lack of child raising skills comes kids who commit crimes, screw each other at age 12, and take drugs. And let's face it, they're ugly because their mom and dad were no Miss America and Mr. Universe.

Their idea of a flawless society was tried earlier in the 1930's and 1940's of which you can find old educational reels that are a little hard to understand because they are in German. Yeah, a yuppie's view of a perfect society is one of Non Smoking, Non Caffeine Consuming, White Collar, cublical trapped zombies who aren't allowed to think for themselves: Uncle Sam does it for them

So Yuppies make my number 9 position on the 2003 Jackass Awards List.

2003's Jackass Awards Vol. 1.

The year was a big one and there are a lot of stupid people out there. It's tough to pick the ten best but I'll have a stab at it.

Let's start with Angry Helen from Worcester. While I was working for WTAG over the summer, I observed a very new and un-usual kind of stupidity. People who hate what they are listening to on the radio and won't change the station. Helen makes this list by virtue of the fact that she is the picture-perfect example of this.

Yes, I realize she's probably been listening to WTAG all 89 years of her life on earth (which is a record since WTAG is only 75 years old), but she probably should have probably complained when "Lux Radio Theater" went off the air back in the 1950's rather than waiting until 2000 to complain about The WTAG Morning News Team. What she should do is just let it go, turn the dial to Swing 830, WCRN, enjoy the classic swing bands from the 30's and 40's, and just move on.

So Angry Helen, representing the League of Extraordinary Adamant Radio Listeners, makes the number 10 slot of 2003's Jackass Award winning a simulated leather wallet.

Mad Cow Disease Strikes, Casualties In The Billions...

Mass hysteria struck Tuesday when investigators found meat from a single cow had poisoned and killed billions of people. George W. Bush declared a National state of emergency and immediately had the terror alert level raised to red. Experts are citing that this may in fact be an attack from Muslim extremists.

Shortly after the national state of emergency had been issued, a state of martial law was put into effect and all civilian weapons were retrieved. The books "Uncle Tom's Cabin", "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer", "Huckleberry Finn", Anne Coulter's books "Treason" and "Slander" were are collected and burned in front of the White House.

Further, the constitution was amended and George W. Bush took a lifetime oath of office. He immediately banned Smoking, Red Meat, Pork, Chicken and Fish along with Caffeine and any weight loss supplements. The White House says further action will be taken.

Hmm... All from a single cow... Does it seem like the media may enjoy instilling panic?

Just Be Real.

Something has recently occurred to me that bugs the hell out of me. Dishonest women. Now I realize it's much less confrontational to give a bunch of cop out answers over the phone long distance when you break up with someone, but this accomplishes nothing.

Ladies, if you meet someone new while you are away at college, just fucking say so. For shit's sake, this is not rocket science. Telling someone the girl reasons, "It's not you, it's me," "We both deserve better", "I feel crowded" blah blah blah when what really happened is you met what you perceive to be your soul mate (although chances are he's really a horny lying sack of shit trying to get in your pants) is bad on many levels: It's dishonest, hurtful, unfair and wrong.

This is just one example of lying women who don't get it. There's also the turn-down, which also pisses me off. "You're not my type." "I'm with someone." "I'm a Lesbian." Just say what you mean. "Yeah, um, you dance like a homosexual lizard with ice in his pants... I want someone at LEAST somewhat normal."

One things for sure, if you tell THIS personality one of these "Chick Cop-Outs" you're going to get a very abrasive,"Here's a dollar and go fuck yourself you bitch." I want real, and I want honesty.

Normally, my blogs are not this vulgar, but you can tell, I'm not very happy with this...

Change.

The name has changed again. Due to my total lack of interest in the American music scene past 1993, It totally eluded me that there is ALREADY a "Revolver" publication.

Thankfully, there are hundreds of different weapons out there I can rename to until I find one that some drone isn't using as a shrine to 3-Chord shoe gazer bands (such as Revolver Magazine, the tools). Don't worry, the name is the only thing changing.

Peace On Earth And Good Will Towards Whoever.

Since it's Christmas eve and I don't want to spoil the holiday by whining about how bad people act the day before Christmas, I think I'll render something more positive.

It's Christmas. Whether you're Christian like myself and look towards the sky at Christmas time or you just get into the holiday, one thing is for certain: People (for the most part) change on Christmas. Now obviously the minute they get behind a wheel it's Christmas with the devil, but there's a positive side.

For one, Charities experience a spike in donations. Oh, don't give me the excuse "Well of couse they do. There's a friggin' Salvation Army Santa on every damn corner!" It's all charities. People get this light from their head to the world and feel more positive. Yes, even the Scrooges who curse the holiday because they've over burdened themselves with gift giving via a list of 75 people they know. If they didn't want to see the smiling faces of their friends on Christmas, they would toss the list to the wayside.

Some people will say it's the position of the stars in the sky, the moon, the gravitation and other celestial factors. Still others will site obligation and guilt as why people give more at Christmas. I prefer this explanation from "The Christmas Attic" by Trans-Siberian Orchestra:

"There is something about this night,
That the Lord has arranged,
That reaches deep into our souls,
And causes us to want to change."

Merry Christmas.

PETA Pissing Me Off...

Read Full Story Here.

PETA needs a clue. I mean one that comes in the form of a 50 pound sledge-hammer. Not only are they telling little children that "Mommy Slaughtered A Kitten" but they were also on the radio recently saying that "...milking cows is cruel and un-usual to the animal." Are you f'ing serious?!?!

I suppose they're right. We should probably just let the cows DIE instead of being milked.

If you're going to have an organization that protests something as controversial as leather wearing, meat eating and other things that require a dead animal to accomplish, you should at least find representatives who don't have demonstrations using "...Vandalism, destruction of public and private property that often lead to arrests."

Its the same thing as the anti-war people. They have a point to make about peace, and so, they set fire to buildings, throw rocks at police, and cause general mayhem. Ok, um, where was the peace message exactly?!

PETA is lead by a bunch of out-of-touch, rag-tag, java sipping hemp bag toting lunatics - wait those are the same ones who protest war, hmm - who don't understand an organized presentation. They would rather try to assault people's senses with graphic pictures and fire. By the way, if a Pro Life advocate can't get results with a picture of a mangled fetus, it's sure as hell not going to work with an animal.

Get a clue, stop losing your audience by launching tac missiles at them.

Snowbound II: Idiots With Sport Utility Vehicles.

Another thing that irks me is the moron with the SUV. Not to be sexist, but most of the time it's a woman driver, and not because I think they suck as drivers, but because they are the group buying these gas guzzlers. No matter where I am going, if I wait long enough, I'll have some bitch in her friggin' Lincoln Navigator, hubs locked and in four wheel drive, right up my ass in a snow storm. Why? Well, because stupid, she's invincible in that thing, didn't you know?

Men will drive their 4X4 pickups just as aggressively, only seem not to tailgate. Most of the time they'll catch up with someone and give them a good 4 car lengths because they realize something the Navigator driver is completely clueless about: Four wheel drive is great in the snow, but it doesn't stop any better than two-wheel-drive.

So imagine my smug smile when someone has planted their full size SUV in the woods because they couldn't stop, and went right off the road. Oh, these people almost never get hurt, that's a given, and therefore, never learn to stop driving like an ass. I suppose it's a good thing that these people are behind me driving like Richard Petty in the snow and not in front. If they f up, then they lose ground, and if I'm behind them, I'll probably get tangled up.

The other side of the equation are the people terrified by frozen water falling from the sky. I recently got stuck in the early stages of a storm behind someone going so slow, my speedometer didn't even register a speed. I was 3rd in line from this tool, and the line trailed off behind me in a sea of cars. I can't imagine how bad it was.

I suppose both parties should just stay home when it snows. Neither can seem to drive with any discernment, and neither seems to give a crap about other people on the road, either they shove their car right up your ass and try to change your sexual preference, or they drive insanely slow, and won't pull over to let people - who by the way are making them more nervous and drive even slower - pass to be on their way.

The "Bad Boy" Affliction

Today my topic is something I don't think I've ever approached: Girls. Specifically, the American girl with the blonde hair who lived next door to you her whole life and you never had the nerve to ask her out until just last year only to find out she prefers "Bad Boys". Why? Well, she wants to tame one. Yeah, then a few months later you run into her again, she's got a butt steak slapped on her eye and is wearing a cast on her leg. It's obvious someone is kicking the crap out of her. Hmm. Must be that "bad boy". Couldn't tame him, eh?

This is a growing trend among twenty-something American women. Wanting to tame the bad boy. Now, speaking as someone many view as this bad boy, I want to make it clear that there's a fine line between "Bad Boy" and "Ex-Con Material". See, some bad boys are just loud mouthed arrogant assholes. They won't pick a fight with someone their own size because they'd probably lose. They latch on to un-suspecting women, beat them daily, and convince them their whole family will be hurt or dead if they say anything.

Many women are too scared to get out of this situation. Sadly, they often turn up face-down in a ditch with evidence of a strangling looming about. Sure the guy gets caught, but, what does it matter, she's dead. Yeah, you could argue that "He'll never hurt anyone again," but a life was still lost.

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that these guys run like cowards when caught. They have no back-bone at all, and therefore, are not a bad boy. Just a loser with a big mouth. A real "rebel" wouldn't hit a women, he'd more likely hunt down wife beaters and give them a nice physical lesson about the real world.

Yet, women continue to pick these guys, who by the way, often cheat with other women, while beating the hell out of the woman they claim to love. Hmm... Time to re-think the bad boy thing, wouldn't you say?

Thanks to the ever so Funky Space Kat for this link... Help For Domestic Abuse Victims.

Snowbound Idiots Rushing To The Supermarket.

It never fails. Even if good old Hal Burling (random Meterologist name) says we might get a passing snow squall, people rush to the store and make a mad dash for the deli. You know, just in case the planet gets snow bound and we are screwed for a month. Oh, except we don't live in Alaska, and if we did, we'd be able to handle the conditions and get out for food and water supplies.

I'll grant that Massachusetts is not known for it's predictable weather, but that being said, it's also not known for being disastrous either. I can't remember a time in my life where we were so snowed in, it was a situation of perpetual doom. No, not even the "Blizzard Of '78".

But any supermarket clerk will tell you, it's ridiculous to the point of pure lunacy the way people rush to the store at even the slightest mention of a single snow flake. "Holy S, I need Bread, Meat, Batteries and Milk!" -Yeah, except Milk spoils in a warm fridge, unless of course you happen to run a generator and I'm not even going to get into how ridiculous that notion is.

Guys Are Heartless.

This blog coming from a guy may surprise a few people. But over the past few days I've come to a conclusion. Guys are heartless. Now I know the nature of guys is instinctively survival. We screw to save our species. Whether you are an evolutionist or you believe in God, this is our programming.

However, now that the Earth is sufficiently over-populated, it's no longer necessary for "mating" to be a cut-throat operation. However, guys will still do their best to break up a happy relationship. In this day and age, it's every man for himself. Sure there are plenty of fish in the sea, but for some reason, most guys get stuck in one section of the ocean and don't want to leave. The coast guard issued a cease-and-desist, but a few of 'em are still poking around seeing what kind of trouble they can make.

This recently happened to me. I have the sneaking suspicion that one of these invaders were the cause of my recently ended romance. Further, I think if I ever see him I shall use his head for a bowling ball and feed him his own spleen. I have no use for people whom cannot respect someone's happy relationship.

Granted, if a young lady is crying all the time and/or showing up with bruises then intervention is needed, but in the case of a happy relationship it is neither needed nor wanted. Guys should step off and be a real man.

Whether I am wrong or right about my own suspicions, I will say this: Never EVER again will another man steal my woman from our happy relationship, I swear by my own blood, another man who tries this will wish he had never drawn breath. I will no instill physical violence, but he will wish I had.

Trans-Siberian Orchestra Proves Kids Being Robbed.

No, this is not a slam on TSO. This is a review of the 2003 Concert series. Last night, on the 7th of December, TSO played the FLEET CENTER. That's right you little townie pieces of trash, FLEET CENTER!!! The show was phenomenal.

Every year TSO does a great Christmas Program, but this year was over the top. It started with "First Snow" and never looked back. The first song actually played was "Boughs Of Holly" - when I say it started at "First Snow" - I mean the suprises.

The opening riffs were played and the song broke out into full throttle. A rig above the stage exploded in snowfall and lazers were fired from backstage into the arena in tempo with the music creating a musical experience I am SURE shocked many kids right into adult hood.

Beethoven's 5th was an exploding musical triumph with balls of fire shooting upward during climactic points in the song, lazers shining everywhere.

During the grand finale final notes, flames - 20 feet high - shot up from the stage while showers of sparks fell from the rig above the stage. In an explosive conclusion TSO ended a perfect night of Christmas music and lots of flare.

And all for $51.00 for CHOICE seats. Why are people paying similar amounts to see Godsmack, Disturbed, and whatever other band is considered cool for not even a quarter of the show? I have no idea, and after last night, I'm sure either did the kids in the audience.

Strong As Brothers But Perfect Strangers

Full Article Here.

Lancaster is my home town, and anybody who's been watching the news knows this was a big thing. Fire-fighters from all over the nation flew in to memorialize their fallen comrade. I could call them brothers, because in a sense, they are. But at the same time these men are perfect strangers.

What is it that draws these men together in a time of need? Whatever it is, as a nation we could take our cue from these brave soldiers. Yes, they are soldiers. Any man who would march into a blazing inferno to rescue someone they don't even know is, by my or your definition, a soldier.

Martin Macnamara is a symbol of many others who have gone before him. Many of these men, like Martin, are volunteers. Enough positive things cannot be said about our fire departments. But one thing is for certain, every American in exsistance could learn from them.