The Amazing Matt B: What A Pathetic Zilch

So I've never used my opinion page for something such as this, but now that this little zero has emerged from his alleged coffin, I guess I HAVE to...

The whole thing started sometime this past week. Some guy who desperately wants to be "a cursed walking dead blah blah blah" has decided to take a sucker punch at Lord Zion and the MIGHTY Spit Like This because he thinks they are trying to be a Goth Metal band... You know like maybe Sins Of Thy Beloved or something...

The Goth crowd desperatley wants to be taken seriously... They have no REAL leader, just a whole plethora of fictious ones, such as, Dracula, Blade, etc. Many of them believe (get this!) that Cain (as in the biblical Cain) was the first vampire. Something to the fact of "if anyone tried to kill him, they would be cursed."

They walk around in white face paint, looking very much like mimes with a serious skin condition. They hang out anywhere death looms, such as cemetaries. The Goth lifestyle is pretty much a full time job. Without pay, FYI...

So I Challenged this Matt guy... Think Matt is his last name. His first is Door. Anyway, I challenged this Matt guy to a blog duel. He probably won't accept. The rules are stated at Vince Wylde Dot Com.

So now I summon you. His pathetic little waste of the internet is here: Art Of Pain.

Heh. Let the games begin.

Dating: What You're Doing Wrong

Chicks frustrate the hell out of me. It's not just the fact that you can't figure them out no matter what you do, or even the fact that everything seems to be one big friggin' mind game. Nope, it's the trying to find one who might give you a chance in hell because her priorities are way to high. This was taken from an actual personal ad:

I'm an artistic student that also is into health and being active. I would like a guy that would play b-ball or racquet ball, go for hikes, or go to the gym with me. I like an active person but someone who still has time to hangout. I am busy with school and such but I always try to make time. I would also want someone who likes music and arts especially photography since that is my major at RIT. I don't consider myself as very athletic but I guess I am since I go to the gym almost everyday. I would like a guy who is talkative since I have a hard time starting conversations. I need someone who is not afraid to make the first move. I am friendly and very social. I love being in groups and parties. I do not drink though. I would like someone who doesn't drink much or none at all and is social like I am. I would want someone who is open minded and ready to try anything. Someone who I can go to a club with and dance with on the floor. Someone who is not afraid of public affection since I love to be hugged, kissed, and have my hand held. Also I just go to school in New York so they would have to deal with the fact that I live in Mass during the summer. Anything else you want to know just ask! IM me if you wish. I've been played in the past so if you just want a short thing for a week or so don't even bother I don't want to deal with that.

Hello? Still with me? This is a snippet from one of thousands of personal ads on yahoo and I think I've discovered why there are so many damn people using these things. Because these women want to much!

Look, love isn't about your perfect match. TRUST ME. The old adage about "opposites attract"? Well, there's some truth to that.

While it is more advisable to find someone you have a little in common with, it isn't necessary nor advisable to date a carbon copy of yourself. It's also probably a bad idea to think you will find Mr. 5'9", With a $50,000.00 car, $400,000.00 a year job and all the right moves and words. A little imperfection makes another person all that much more interesting to be with.

If you really must have a spot on match, then I advise to hang out in your bedroom and make puppy eyes at yourself in the mirror all day. You'll be much happier and you won't have to look any more.

Finally, a word of advice to all. Never let ANYONE tell you, "She's / He's not right for you" based on materialistic compatibility. It's stupid. And for that matter, don't tell anyone "They aren't right for you." I mean, really, who the hell do you think you are? Dr. Friggin' Ruth? I don't think so... Nor are you Dr. Laura or Dr. Joy Brown... And they would both most likely tell you, it's all about outward acts of affection and plain friggin' doo-da chemistry (which by the way can develop over time).