Rubbernecking: This Country Loves Anguish

Let's face it. We live in a country that loves pain and suffering. If there are dead bodies to be seen we are there, one way or another, to look. Either with an eyewitness view or a channel changer. It's morbid, dark and very ugly.

But wait, it gets better.

Yesterday afternoon I was on my way home from the beach when we came across an accident on the highway going in the opposite direction. It was off of the road even off of the shoulder and yet, behind it, about 4 miles of traffic pileup. People making everyone late because, hell, they just had to see if there was blood, guts, pain and agony and gnashing of teeth. People running around on fire, screaming for mercy, crying for death to sweep down on quick winds and snuff them out. Fire and - well you get the idea.

I could ask why the hell people feel the need to see disaster, but why bother. I'll never get an answer, just a load of weak cop-outs. (Simulate really dopey voice here). "Well, you wanna know if they're allright." Bull. You want to see agony and death. You're intrigued by it.

TV proves it. We have a fascination with the macabre. Reailty ER rooms on so-called "educational channels" where people come in with a motor scooter half way up their ass, guys who had half of their head blown off and are carrying part of it in a bag, some poor sap who was cutting boards at a construction site and accidentally severed his own leg (thank God doctors were able to get to it in time and re-attach it, but what a story at Thanksgiving!)

This stuff wouldn't exist if we weren't watching it, but we are and we're watching it in droves.

So I pose this solution. Watch your circus of death at home, and when it's on the highway, just drive your damn car and don't hold up traffic to see "...if that poor lady went through the windshield."

Alert Maine! The Coming Rage Of The Massachusetts Resident

I'll be the first to admit I'm not the happiest guy on the planet. But I find healthy ways to vent my anger, like this column. Others are not quite as intelligent. The atmosphere in the state of Massachusetts is a very hostile one. In fact, I believe we should start putting the greeting, "Massachusetts Welcomes You! The Angry State."

I suppose my state has a lot to be pissed off about. But I see them all as terminal whiners. Bitch alot about how government sucks, but do nothing about it. And the rage cascades over into other areas where it shouldn't. People cutting each other off in traffic and then flipping you the finger while they do it. Shoving each other in crowded places. Cutting in lines, uttering vulgarities to someone who they think isn't part of the in crowd, and so on and so on.

People around me prance around in circles chiding, "It's like that everywhere!" But it isn't. In fact, I'll even one up you and say it's just most of New England. Especially Rhode Island, Connecticut and Massachusetts. The least of these, as far as I can see, is Maine. And it enrages me to no end when I decide to get the hell out of Massachusetts only to see the damn state is following me! Most of Massachusetts vactions in Maine. How un-creative is this?

Now, I know that the numbers will tell me that people can't afford to vaction too far out of New England because the Economy blows. But I also can't help but think that people are flat moving to Maine because they discovered what I did. Maine is laid back. So the end result is Massholes bringing their anger with them and infecting what currently is a pretty decent place to live.

Now, one will argue, "Yeah, but you're just as pissed of." True. But I find creative ways to alleviate it. And I sure as hell don't bring it with me when I visit friends in Maine. Four months of living there and I came back unprepared of what an angry pit Massachusetts is. This state needs to smarten up and until then, stay the hell out of Maine.

Want My Daughter's Hand In Marriage? Let Me See Your Resume'

I'm still scratching my head on this one. Go to The Boston Herald for the full story.

This girl, Kimberly, is being whored off by her mother for making bad decisions on a boyfriend. That's the bottom line. And I don't mean for sex or cash, but I mean for 15 minutes of fame. Meanwhile, Donna Wood doesn't seem to want to accept the responsibility that maybe - just maybe - it's her fault her daughter can't bring home a guy who doesn't urinate on people's cars and spit loogies from sky scrapers hoping to kill someone with the velocity of his spit.

Now I realize I'm only speculating on this. But women are notorious for wanting to "tame the bad boy". Well, I'm willing to bet that if I asked my good friend Zion, who reads this column as religiously as a heavy metal star who has the f-bomb tatooed across each arm can, he would probably say you can't tame a bad boy. Or as he would probably describe himself, a sick, deranged, lunatic. Yet, women go out and find men they think represent this profile, try to tame them, usually pick someone with a long criminal record in the long run, and can't understand why he starts beating her with a lead pipe.

Whether the blame is on the mother or the daughter for this poor decision making, Donna should not be trying to capitalize on her daughter's misfortune. Education is key here, not how rich she can get in a short amount of time. And if this is what reality TV has spawned, I'm not suprised. Something magical happens when people see something on TV or hear something on the radio. Many of them believe it's a great idea, whatever it is. I really believe someone out there subjects his friends to be submerged in swimming pools full of maggots just because people do it on "Fear Factor". Tee-hee. Wow. We all had a chuckle when Steve was trying to kill his friend with a nearby rake.

**Writer's note: Lord Zion, of Spit Like This , Mentioned before in this column, is one of the most intelligent human beings I know, and I in no way meant to imply he's an ass. I do think he's dangerous. He has to be. He drives a Hearse.

Assessment: People Are Stupid

First, it was mobs of people making themselves a huge bull’s-eye for any terrorist living in the country by jamming the streets of New York to walk home. Now this.

Reports coming out of parts of Michigan affected by the blackout were that, despite warnings that a spike in power consumption could cause more blackouts, so "please don't use the A/C," people juiced up their units anyway. Yeah, people are really stupid.

Look, despite the fact that most people in charge seem intent on lying and stealing from the very people that voted for them, when the Electric Company says action 1 could cause result 2, you damn well better listen. But, the fat assed American knows better than the Electrical expert, so, the hell with it, turn on the A/C.

I hate to pick on people that might also be my devoted listeners - well, actually, no I don't. If you're going to cause my state to go into code red because you don't know how to survive on a low watt fan for a few days, then I'm going to drag your ass through the dirt right with the rest of them. Look, bottom line, if California says, "Conserve Power", well, then do it. Same to Boston. If National Grid says, "Um, there's a problem. We need to decrease the demand on the circuits." Well, I expect you all to comply. It's not just courteous, but it's your obligation as a security conscience American to do so.

Considering last week's mass exodus through New York, I think it's safe to say Americans are still not bright enough to not make themselves a giant missile target, so we should all do our part to make sure they don't have the opportunity.

$39.99 >> $9.99 After Mail In Rebate

I really hate this. With a friggin' passion. The above title is an actual price from a spindle of CDs at Circuit City. Now don't get me wrong, I love Circuit City, and not the stupid little outlet stores in shopping malls, but the big stores where the deals are. But this is agrevating. Why can't they just give me the damn CDs for $9.99 to begin with? They can obviously afford the price drop or they wouldn't be offering it.

Well, they also know about people like me. Call me a fat, lazy, bloated, American lard ass (even though I'm not big in any way), but I simply won't mail in for the rebate offer. Like so many Americans, I want instant gratification in my price drops, not a 2 week delay. Maybe the reason I want the $9.99 offer is because at that particular time I can't afford the $39.99. So a mail-in rebate is a waste of time for me.

There are several companies that engage in this enraging practice. Best Buy, Staples, and Office Max to name a few. Why?

As I said, these big corporations know about people like me that won't bother with the rebate. In fact, they bank on it. They know a certain percentage of the population (most of it, actually) will be roped in by the flashy twenty to thrity dollar price drop advertised on the price cards on the display but will never get around to mailing it in.

It would be a huge blow to these companies if 100% of the consumers who purchased an item that offered a mail-in rebate, sent in for it. You would see them stop offering the rebate because of the massive loss of money. Then, maybe they would just offer us a good old fashioned sale.